


Beloved

by misbehavingvigilante



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/F, Femslash February
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3426704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misbehavingvigilante/pseuds/misbehavingvigilante
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara starts to wonder about her relationship with Nyssa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beloved

**Author's Note:**

> So I realized I've never really wrote much femslash before and I thought well, it is February. 
> 
> Maybe I should do something about that so Nysara. 
> 
> Also a quick note, there are some allusions to sexual trauma within the story, however they are brief and not at all graphic. Still, feels like a safe bet to warn for them. None of them happen between Sara and Nyssa, though.

Sara had never really been in a relationship with another woman before. 

It's not to say that before all this, she hadn't kissed or even made out with a girl before usually because she was partying and there had been something in her system that made it seem like such a great idea at the time, and there always seemed to be guys cheering for it. 

Always... the thought now drove her to shuddering thanks to her time on the Amazo, she had a harder time being around guys. And Nyssa had sensed that, she was not a woman that was easily fooled and maybe that was part of the reason she had taken a special interest in her. Sara couldn't really imagine why she had saved her in the first place. 

But despite the reputation she kept hearing about Nyssa, there was a softness to her. 

Sometimes it was hard to remember that when she was being remade as it had once again be survive or die only this time with a league of assassins. Some part of her missed home, missed the girl she'd been before this, but then another part of her wondered if perhaps this was her punishment. For all the things she'd done like cheating with Oliver with her own sister... to all the things she'd done on the island, maybe it made sense this happened to her. 

But in the quiet moments shared between her and Nyssa, she didn't feel so bad. 

Maybe it was because Nyssa was like her, she was someone who had done some terrible things, however Nyssa didn't seem to have any guilt about them. 

"Guilt is not something I associate with what I've been asked to." She said firmly, holding her gaze. "What I do, what we do," One of Nyssa's hand had stopped cleaning a wound she'd gotten on her face from her training and caressed it instead. "is not wrong. We are replacing evil with death. Do not forget that, and you will suffer no more." 

It's things like this, that almost seem to mirror past relationships she'd been that get Sara questioning her sexuality. 

But she doesn't speak up, just nodded appreciatively for the advice. 

 

The training is hard and during her down time sometimes she watched Nyssa train. Here was someone that had been training their whole life to kill people, and Sara had thought she was beautiful. Maybe it was her strength, that Sara envied. If she knew how to fight like that, none of this would have happened to her. 

Then again, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing not to be the girl she was before Gambit sank. 

 

Her first target is a rapist. 

Needless to say, it's not as hard as she thought to kill him. It's almost cathartic and that scared her. Because how could that feel good? She was killing a man, albeit not a good man, but still. It wasn't like she was the greatest of person there was either, did that mean she deserved to die too?

Eventually Nyssa found her and they sat on her bed for a moment in silence. Sara didn't have anything to say as she was already crying, and wondered if she had messed up somehow and that's why Nyssa was here. Instead, gently Nyssa's arms go around her. It's not very tight at first, but when Sara leaned in, Nyssa's grasp on her tightened. 

"You did the right thing." Nyssa assured. "No man deserved your tears, least of all someone such as that." 

Sara doesn't say anything for a while as she finished up crying, even sniffling pathetically which must have made her look weak to Nyssa, but when she met Nyssa's eyes there were free of any judgement. "I don't know if I deserve someone like you." 

And for the first time since she's met Nyssa, the other woman looked confused. 

Nyssa blinked once, attempting to process that and not exactly understanding Sara's words. "Could you explain that?" 

"You..." Sara rubbed at her eyes. "Are really nice to me, but it's not like before when I was in a situation like this. You are nothing like him, and I am just so grateful, you're not. But I'm not sure if I deserve this side of yours. This softness, this comfort..." 

Sara did like it, but it didn't mean she thought herself worthy of it. 

"This side is mine to give to whoever I wish." Nyssa stated. "And I choose to give it to you. Are you uncomfortable?" 

That was when Nyssa gave her the space, the loss of contact was not something Sara wanted so she reached out and grabbed one of Nyssa's hand. Nyssa looked down at their hands before looking back up at her. "Is this what you want?" 

"I don't know." Sara admitted honestly, looking down. "I like this... but I've never done this before." 

"So you have never been with a woman before?" Nyssa asked, she had assumed that was the case with Sara, but had not been willingly to believe that until Sara confirmed it for herself. 

"I mean, I... " Sara shrugged, looking away. "Kissed a girl a couple of times, but it was never really real. I'm sorry." 

"You do not have to apologize." Nyssa turned Sara towards her again. This was a conservation best to have while they were looking at each other. "My relationships have only been with other woman. I had never desired a man before and I do not think I ever will. If you would be my beloved, that would make me very happy. But it is your choice." 

It might seem like there's not a choice because Nyssa's the one that saved her, or because Nyssa's the heir to all this, but Sara does feel like she actually has the choice. 

It's just unfortunate she doesn't really have an answer right now. Too much has happened tonight for her to really think about something as serious as getting into another relationship. "I need some time." 

"Of course." Nyssa nodded, getting up off her bed. "Sleep well, then." 

"Thanks." Sara gave a faint smile. "Good night." 

 

It's not awkward between them, which is something of a surprise. Sara's been through the whirlwind before with almost and forbidden relationships so she'd thought that maybe she'd have the practice in dealing with this. But it's as normal as things were before and that's somewhat of a relief. 

Honestly, Sara isn't sure what she feels. She had loved Oliver, and wondered if she still did. But that feels too much like the past, it reminds her of sinking below the waves both times she's faced them. 

After that, she doesn't question those feelings anymore and instead focused on her training. She's claimed her first life for the league, and there will be many more, if she is not careful, she won't survive and Nyssa won't always be there to save her.

 

 

Sometimes she is alone, because Nyssa holds a much higher position than her and is not her only teacher by any means. But this time Sara noticed her absence more, was it because of their talk? Which had reminded Sara it had been about a month since their talk and she still gave no answer. 

It's not that Nyssa was impatient, but Sara believed that she did deserve an answer. 

Maybe she could find the answer before she got back since whatever was keeping her away, was expected to for a while longer. 

Mediation was something the league had taught her, it did wonders for both the mind and body, so it seemed like the thing to advantage of while she had the free time to actually think and no missions of her own coming up. 

What did she exactly feel for Nyssa? What kind of relationship did she want from Nyssa?

 

Nyssa returned nearly a week later, without a scratch on her. 

It's a sight that still amazed Sara just the sheer strength that Nyssa possessed and sometimes it made her wonder if she could ever match anything remotely like that. Because if they did get together, then wouldn't they team up? She didn't want to bring Nyssa down. 

Nyssa's eyes find her own for only a moment, but it communicated a message. 

Nyssa wanted to talk to her and Sara had nodded, going back to her room, knowing this conservation should probably be private. 

But first Nyssa has to report her mission to her father, a man, Sara cannot say makes her feel at ease. He has showed her kindness for supporting Nyssa's decision and maybe it's just something leftover from her bad experiences that make her feel this way, but it's not a feeling that's left her despite her months in the league. 

Maybe it will soon enough, it doesn't seem like she's going anywhere. 

And she doesn't exactly want to either, this isn't her ideal life by any means. She remembered when she was young wanting to be a doctor, wanting to heal people, not hurt them, and worse. But she wasn't that girl anymore, she wasn't the girl that went on that boat, the girl that survived on the Amazo, nor even the girl who was even on that island. 

She's someone else now.  

 

"I apologize for the wait." Was Nyssa's greeting as she entered her room. 

"Don't be." Sara smiled, finding herself happy to be in Nyssa's presence. "I'm glad you're okay." 

"I might have been gone a while, but they were no match for me." Nyssa said, sounding pleased. "It is good to see you again as well." 

"Yeah..." Sara nodded, trying to find her words for what she had wanted to say when Nyssa had approached her instead. 

"Yes or no? Or do you need more time?" Nyssa asked for her, able to read Sara's struggle though she had improved on masking her emotions. 

"Yes." Sara answered and was rewarded with Nyssa smiling, looking absolutely taken with that answer. It was quite the sight but it dulled in comparison of the feeling of Nyssa's lips on her. It was brief, but it didn't have to last long for Sara to fall into the sensations of it all. it was sweet, and it meant something, it actually meant something. 

This wasn't some fling or trick. 

And that's all it is for the night they get together, but it doesn't really need to be anything more. 

 

They draw closer in time, taking it slowly due to her own past traumas, and Nyssa doesn't seem interested in damaging this but rushing into it. 

Eventually, Sara found herself in Nyssa's bed. 

 

And it doesn't bring her back to anything unpleasant, instead it creates better memories. 

They do have sex eventually, but mostly she ended up in Nyssa's bed to rest a lot more than anything like that. "You know, I think people might be a bit less afraid of you, if they knew you liked cuddling so much." Sara teased one morning. 

Nyssa doesn't appear too amused at it, but Sara can tell internally Nyssa is somewhat. "Then it is a good thing, I show this side only to you, beloved." 

"Mm." Sara agreed, and kissed Nyssa. 

She had only been teasing. She'd never share these little moments she had with Nyssa with anyone else. She really did love this woman, and it had nothing to do with the fact she saved her. 


End file.
